Anticipation, revisited.


Image by CmdrFire via Flickr

One of my life’s greatest lessons (so far) is that I cannot force, cajole, encourage, demand, or beg for certain things. Never have I felt so humbled and so helpless, even desperate for Godly comfort. Especially when it comes to employment. It’s not the income that I crave, but the need to feel useful and productive, to do something I was meant to do. I don’t think anyone initially enjoys being out of work–too much idle time. And I never do the things I say I’d do if I had a free day off.

So, I have unwillingly been transitioned to part-time at my current position, and this has made me actively look for work again. Like a sprinter on the starting block, I checked classifieds and posted teaching positions. Obsessed, I didn’t slow down until I ran into spam from Craigslists ads (truly evil). I even got an interview with a software company that sounds actually pretty cool.

And then a random phone call.


Right before I left work, I get a call for a teaching position. What the heck? I’d given up already–since school starts like, oh, next week and all. “Sure, I’ll come in tomorrow…” And so it went. Apparently there weren’t a lot of English teachers in the applicant pool and something opened up unexpectedly. So I drove 25 miles from home to a more rural school than where I live, but is remarkably a lot like the last school I taught in. And I was charmed by these 4 administrators. I laid it all out there for them, what I thought were my bad traits–never really taught with other English teachers, teach in a non-traditional way… and they loved it. Said it would be a good fit anyway. What they’re looking for.

Now it’s been 5.5 hours since then and I’m waiting (again!). The decision’s supposed to be made today, but who knows? Maybe I didn’t get it and they forgot to tell me. Would that happen? Oh, yes, it’s happened before.

So I face now the predicament my earthly flesh cannot seem to abandon—the fear of rejection, once again. I need God’s comfort so I will stop driving myself bananas. Yesterday, I thanked God for providing this possibility, because I knew it wasn’t something I did. I didn’t know about the job, had never contacted that school before, didn’t know anyone on staff. I say the phone call was random, but I believe it was God renewing my faith, saying “I have something planned for you”. Maybe it’s not a complete door opening, maybe it’s just a crack in the window to show me how in control He is of my life.

Regardless, I wait to see where my journey leads.

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