Anticipation is a dirty word …and a conversation with myself

Anticipation is a dirty word and so is expectation. I don’t understand why it is that I do this to myself. Why do I see a possible opportunity and my heart begins to beat fast? I can feel the adrenaline and euphoria of my body reacting to my heart and mind’s anticipation. I’m such a baby, no thick skin here. I am a heart-on-my-sleeve kinda gal. Wuss.

And, good heavens, why is it that I do this when my heart has been broken so many times? My rational self sits off to the side and shakes her head at my foolishness. Be calm, be cool. Yeah, right.

So what am I antsy over? A stinkin job. And here ensues the internal debate that you get to be privy to:

Oh, but it’s the right job, its the one I’ve wanted for what seems like forever. Right subject. Right school! 

But so were those two last year that you interviewed for.  Keep in mind you didn’t get those, and for good reason. You haven’t even gotten a response yet. Hold your horses, don’t expect anything. 

But! It’s okay to hope, right?

Sure, but not if it distracts you from everything else. Consider this, you’ve been passed over How many times?

Sad face, slumped shoulders.  A lot. 

And how many people are you competing with?

Sigh. A lot.

So, you’re chances of getting this job are…

Not good. 

Right. But what do you believe that God can do?

He can open a door. 

A door you can’t make happen on your own.

Right. 

A door in the midst of impossible circumstances?

Grimace. Yes. 

And what does this door mean about your ability to secure a job like this?

That I didn’t do it. He did. 

And as a result, who gets all the glory?

God does. 

Right. And where does the glory belong?

With God. 

What have you done to get this job?

I have the qualifications, I’ve applied, I’ve contacted who I need to. 

Have you made every effort?

Yes. 

Then you’ve done all you can do, right?

Sigh. Yes.

Then relax. If God wants you somewhere, you’ll know because he’ll open a door. He’s done it before, right?

Yes. 

Do you remember what you read earlier about being appointed?

Yes. 

What did it say?

“A very precious thing Jesus says to you, as a disciple, is this: ‘You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit . . .’ (John 15:16).

 But this also implies that Jesus will dis-appoint you many times—meaning, there are some appointments from which Jesus will remove you, and others that he simply will not grant to you.”   http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/disappointed-by-jesus#.TimTBF0v5wQ.tweet

So you will be appointed to a task somewhere where you will go and bear fruit?

Yes. 

Now, can you rest easier knowing that it’s out of your hands?

 I suppose so. 

Then put it out of your mind and let God take care of it.

K.

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