When I was younger, I used to think I could impact the world. If you think the same thing, it may feel a little bit like life happening to you, instead of you carving out your niche. I picture this feeling as I’ve seen depicted in TV and movies: the character steps onto a busy sidewalk area and while they are being still, the world rushes by them completely oblivious. I feel like that sometimes, especially when I reflect on decisions I made some 15 years ago. It’s very much like playing the “if” game–if I had majored in something else that might lead to an actual career, if I had stayed in Birmingham, if I had kept my mouth shut, …. That is a dangerous game to play and it rarely ever is beneficial for me.
Of course, these times usually affect me most when there is a lull or when I am limbo. The Limbo Queen, more like the Limbo Lady-in-Waiting, but that’s a bit redundant. This lull is exacerbated by communication, or messed-up communication. There’s a phrase at work I would like to ban–“You’re not getting it.” Ooo, it seriously upsets me. Like I’m not on their level, like I’m stupid. It puts all the responsibility on the me and the speaker gets off scott-free (spelling?). But that is exactly how I feel–I’m speaking one language and everyone is hearing another.
When this happens, only child that I am, I almost always retreat inwards. I’ll read for hours, limit conversation, and become turtle-like. Sounds like me in middle school.
You may have noticed that I’ve changed the site address. 1 habit in 30 days is a nice thought, but not completely realistic. Think of it as my attempt to be more proactive. Nice try. But then, I went on vacation and didn’t have wifi. I disconnected myself as much as possible. When I returned, I just didn’t feel up to it. I began to realize that while I enjoyed blogging about scripture, I wasn’t spending a lot of time with God. That really bothered me. So I’m revamping, calling this “Sometimes Life Just Happens” because that’s the truth.